Nigel the Nodule

In the beginning it was just me and Nigel the Nodule. I found a lump on my throat, or in my throat, or on my thyroid as it turned out...anyway I felt it myself getting ready for a New Years party. Usually nodules are found accidentally by doctors in physicals or other examinations, but I noticed Nigel right away because it was tender and definitely felt out of place. Don't think I'm crazy for call my nodule Nigel, it was my husband who named it in order to lighten up the issue, and it kind of stuck. He generally has an English accent, but is known to sound like a Pirate in a particularly bad mood (like after a biopsy lets say). :) I didn't go to the doctor for a few days because I assumed it was a swollen gland, and I didn't have insurance at the time. Coincidentally our insurance came through a couple days after I found the nodule and I figured I might as well go get it checked. 


The first appointment led to blood work and cancer was only mentioned off-handedly, the second appointment was the diagnosis of a "complex nodule" about 2.3cm big and cancer was mentioned a few times, the third appointment was with a surgeon who ordered a biopsy who said it could be three things--nothing, something we can't identify or cancer). About five days later my primary care doctor called (the surgeon was on vacation and wasn't planning to call until a week later) and said she had bad news...gulp. Then my phone cut off. I hissed profanities until it finally reconnected, and she told me that the biopsy came back as Papillary Thyroid Carcinoma...Thyroid cancer. I said "Oh ok, well thanks for calling. No don't apologize it's ok really..." shock and then my husband came outside and I began to cry. And cry and then get pissed. "Are you serious??" After being angry I felt utterly human. Mortal with a capital 'M'. I was not invincible, the worst thing I would have battle was not the flu. Everything was the same around me, but inside something had changed. I suddenly felt very very small.