I am home!! I was at Johns Hopkins an extra night because of some
complications during surgery, but will recover just as well...it just might
take a little longer. The mass had wrapped itself around a muscle in my neck
and the muscle had to be removed, and my trachea was nicked in the process. If
it weren't for all of the antibiotics (which I am thankful for) I would be
feeling pretty good besides being swollen and having some stiff muscles from
not being able to hold my head up. There was a bulky bandage around my neck
with a drain in it after surgery which made it impossible to stretch my
shoulders or lift my chin and now the front of my neck and chest is swollen
which still makes it difficult. But today is better than yesterday (much) and
tomorrow will be better than today!
I should have kept
a journal while I was in there because I wanted to record the little details,
but I couldn't concentrate on anything other than not straining my neck.
I was terrified
going into my surgery, I think I held it together well, but was pretty freaked.
The nurses and doctors were amazingly kind and knew exactly what to say and do
which comforted me quite a bit. I enjoyed to medication they gave me going into
the operating room (everything was bouncing and wonderfully bright!) and the
last thing I remember is talking about Ocean City, which is close to where I
live.
I was sick coming
out of anesthesia which is why I didn't get to eat or drink for 36 hours. I was
in recovery from 11:30ish-8 when a room finally opened up. That night was
awful. All I wanted to do was sleep but I had two IV's in me and two times
someone came to draw my blood, once someone came in to attach me to antibiotics
and give me a shot of blood thinners, and then every so often someone would
come in to check my vitals. That was between 10 and 5 when the nurse came in to
tell me doctors would be making their rounds soon so to come up with questions
because "they come in, talk really fast, and then leave." I hadn't
had any pain medicine since recovery so I asked if they thought if it would
relieve some of my discomfort without making me sick (it would be dangerous to
get sick because of the strain on my neck) they said yes so I said BRING IT ON!
It helped take the
edge off and not make me super ridiculous (even though a picture of me holding
up a fork and a juice box made it on facebook). I spent that day with family
visiting me (I have an amazing family and family-in-law) and feeling pretty good.
Thank goodness Ginger Ale is my favorite drink because I must have drank my
weight in it.
That night we
watched the Orioles game on TV and The Help. My husband is so wonderful and
supportive and everytime I had to get up he would have to get up to unhook my
legs from the compressor things or get me water or call the nurse. He never
complained or showed how exhausted he was. He is my hero.
I woke up at 5am
feeling very nauseous. I was really anxious about them taking the drain out and
finishing my stitches which I think was part of it, but I think the stress from
the past two days caught up to me and made me extremely shaking and nauseous.
The nurse gave me nausea medicine which made me feel like I was blowing up like
a balloon and when I would close my eyes I felt like I was instantly somewhere
else so I would wake up with jolt and feel even worse. Finally the doctors came
in to remove the drain and tie up my stitches. YIKES!
Having someone literally stitch your skin together on your neck is
a feeling I hope to never experience again. It helped a tiny bit that the
doctor looked like someone out of Greys Anatomy, but I had my eyes closed for
most of it so I picturing some foreign land with palm trees and blue water
instead of gazing into his eyes that were focused on the wound on my
neck....ugh.
After the doctors left my husband kindly fanned my face while I
dabbed my face with a cool damp towel (I was a little bit worked up). I think
at that moment all of the stress leading up to the surgery and all of it that
had built up over the last two days finally broke loose and I was a wreck.
Shaking and blubbering a little bit I realized my surgery was OVER. My drain
was OUT. And now all I had to do was heal. After that this underlying fear
began to set in... “where do I go from here?”
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